The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
