She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
