It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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