Just fell off a train. Bad.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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