Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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