Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
