Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
