I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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