The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Randomize
