Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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