I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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