i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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