Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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