I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
