sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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