true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Randomize
