Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
