If that was your dad, he is hot
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
