You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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