Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
