don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
