why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
