just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
