think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
