Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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