now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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