just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
