So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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