Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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