The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
