This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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