I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
