I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
