i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
