i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
