I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
