I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
