I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
