you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
