I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize