Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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