I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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