take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
