i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Someone came in the potted fern
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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