Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We have started to decorate penises.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
