Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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