Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
