out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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