Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I could make wine with my vomit
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
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