Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
we're so committed to being not committed
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
