There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
