The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
