Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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