in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
