best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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