I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
