You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
