If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You need Xanax blowdarts
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
