Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
do nipples grow back?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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