How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
