Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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