Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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