i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
