You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i wish my penis had a tongue
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
