At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
