If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
