i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
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Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
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I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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