I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
