so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
