I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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