New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
