i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
