I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
