Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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