Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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