the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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