I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We had sex on a dog bed..
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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