They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
